I suppose you’ll be wanting to know my credentials.
I began drinking early in life. My mother tells me I was first intoxicated at the tender age of one, as I wandered from one guest to the next in my red velvet Christmas frock demanding sips of various drinks. One may think there is no harm in letting a toddler wet her lips with a bit of Christmas punch – especially back in the 70s, but multiplied by fifty guests, the toddler’s mother is likely to find a young girl passed out under the dining room table when the party-goers have departed.
The “falling asleep in unorthodox locations” schtick has remained a treasured tradition throughout my life, and has made for many amusing drinking-related anecdotes over the years. I suggest you make your own drinking traditions and adhere to them as strictly as possible, for this will create your “drinking identity” and allow people to recall you who may have not been in the most capable of mental states at the time of your meeting. For instance:
“You know Pookie; she’s the one who always falls asleep in the bathtub.”
“Indeed, I do so enjoy her company. She fell asleep in my bathtub once, during our Kwanzaa party last season.”
In addition to my years of drinking experience and several years professional experience as a barkeep, I have an appreciation and depth of knowledge for both top-shelf and inexpensive alcohols of all genres. Furthermore, my husband and I enjoy brewing our own delicious beers and ciders at home, and Tytron is also educated and experienced in the art of wine making.
I won’t pretend to know everything about consuming and making alcohol, but I can instill upon you what humble bits of wisdom my years as a committed drinker have afforded me. I sincerely hope you find this collection of booze-related advice helpful.
Thank you for stopping by, and, as always, please imbibe responsibly.